I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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