i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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