I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
