Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
