She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
