His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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