I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
