It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
