he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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