I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
im on a boat
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