I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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