my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
