she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
