I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
