And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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