shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Everything about him screamed your future.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
