If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
