If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
