mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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