The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
