A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
