So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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