the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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