That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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