she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I need a burrito and a hug.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
