She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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