fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
