I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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