but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
