im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
