i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
