I just saw a hot homeless man
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
