I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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