i permit you to call me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
