im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
