I CAN MOONWALK!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
