maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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