well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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