after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
