don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
