So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You've changed since you got that strap on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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