do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We're too hungover to prance.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
