I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
