Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
