then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we should paint friendship bongs
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
