I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
