My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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