one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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