Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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