my vag is so smooth its legendary
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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