He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
