I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
