You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drake has all the answers
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
