He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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