don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
