She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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