Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
