Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
