whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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