Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
