my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
