so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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