my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
