I'm gonna have a badass scar
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
